One thing about online dating that can be frustrating is finding people who actually want to go on a date! There’s only so many “Happy Hump Day!” messages one can get before becoming cynical. There are plenty of time wasters out there (both male and female) and if you want a pen pal they will chat with you about nothing at all for ages. If you want an actual date here are a few of my tips:
1. Guys: Don’t ask right away!! There is about 0 personal info on Tinder so if you ask right away you are saying that you don’t really care what the two of you have in common or if you click, you just want to see if you are physically attracted to them right away in person or if you will “feel chemistry”. Asking right away is a huge turn-off for me because it’s almost like the guy is playing a numbers game and just trying to go on as many dates as possible. You should spend at least a few minutes going back and forth in a conversation first before deciding if you want to ask them out! Guys who do this also tend to blame the girls on Tinder saying that none of them actually want to go on a real date, when in reality they are pushing all the girls away with their eager and non-discriminating approach to asking girls out. On a deeper level this makes me wary that a guy is going to objectify me. I’ve had plenty of seemingly nice, normal guys objectify me while dating. They constantly bring up aspects of this image of me that they want me to be (in very subtle ways) vs. actually getting to know the person I really am. I think I can and will write an entire post about this!
2. After you’ve had a little back and forth banter, know what the person does for fun, if they live in a geographically desirable location relative to you (I think this is pretty key in LA), what they spend most of their time doing, and have a glimpse of their personality, bring it up! I’m old fashioned when it comes to this and I almost never ask guys out. I will, however, ask them if they’ve ever gone out with any girls on Tinder, what they think about online dating, talk about my interest in going out on a real actual date and spending time together, etc. This is the time for them to take the hint and ask you out. If they do not after a 2-3 days, or if a girl gives you a weird excuse and then won’t commit to a different plan, or if the person becomes a ghost then we come to our next tip:
3. Know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em! There are plenty of people on Tinder who like the idea of dating new people, but who aren’t actually open to it right now (like me)! These people have good intentions and are hoping that they’re going to find someone who interests them enough to bring them back into the dating world, but are not all in yet. If you feel like you have taken the time to get to know someone, have some things in common, seem romantically interested in eachother/are flirting and the guy doesn’t ask you out in under a week- move on! Block him/unmatch him if you have to. If they say they want to “grab drinks” or “hang out this weekend” and then fail to make a real plan, move on! Listen to Jay-Z “On to the Next One” and keep it moving. There are plenty of other great guys and girls out there and even though you think you may have found your perfect Tinderella, if they do not want to meet up then it is impossible for you to have a real relationship. Let go of your fantasy and find a real life human being who you can actually kiss!
Ah one of my least favorite date invitations right behind “When are we gonna hang out?” And “Let’s go (insert sporty or outdoor activity that involves me sweating) as one of our first dates!” Now this invitation may seem innocuous enough especially if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, but let me explain why I don’t like it: Continue reading No, I Don’t Want to Grab a Drink→
What to write in that little blurb? Here’s some things to consider not writing:
1. “The baby in the picture is NOT MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M A PROUD UNCLE OK STOP ASKING!!!!” – Woah calm down.
2. “I guess everyone is putting their heights? That’s like a thing? So here’s mine 5’5” – The reason why you need to put your height is because when you’re crouching down to pet a tiger or taking a shirtless bathroom selfie I can’t really get a gauge as to how tall you are/how much I’ll potentially be towering over you. As much fun as it is to try to figure out how many Axe body sprays tall you might be from the bathroom pic and convert that, I’d rather you take the detective work out of it and just tell me.
3. Ok those are all the tips you get because if you’re inspired to go on and on about how great you are or how much money you have or how much you hate sluts PLEASE do so we all know which way to swipe.
This was a real conversation I had with someone several months ago…
Tip#1 Have some self-awareness. If this dude replied and said he was referencing the Jeopardy skit from SNL that would have been one thing. If you’re a grown up you can be silly, but avoid anything too immature (i.e. 420, 69, Barbie, sexy etc.)
Tip#2 Don’t use the same username that you use for other non-dating websites! This was a big mistake that I made and some guy messaged me and let me know that if you google it, a lot of personal info comes up. Think: your youtube history, those comments you left on a grad school forum, your gamer profile, etc.
Tip#3 If you’re totally out of ideas just go for something simple like your first name and some numbers. Or a gender neutral hobby (I would never make one like “MakeupGirl” because no dude is interested in that).
Tinder is great I met one of my boy BFFs there and dated a couple of other Tinder matches. It IS possible to get a relationship out of Tinder if that’s what you’re looking for. These are a couple Tinder tips if you’re looking for more than just a hook-up. If you’re just using Tinder for entertainment then you just keep doin you boo.
1. Your first meeting shouldn’t be you going over his place to “hang out” I don’t care what movie/liquor/video game he has to lure you in with he has to get off his ass and take you somewhere public for your first date. Continue reading Tinder Tips→
Everyone loves to complain about LA traffic. Before I moved that’s what people would want to talk about “you’re moving to LA? I couldn’t handle that much traffic I’d go crazy!” In situations like this I always try to expect the worst so if traffic is anything less than soul sucking and completely insane I’ll feel pleasantly surprised. Another way I combat traffic is by listening to good podcasts. A podcast is like your favorite talk radio show that you can customize to your interests that updates weekly straight to your phone. Here are my top 5 favorite on dating, relationships, and sex.
“Dan Savage, America’s only advice columnist, answers your sex questions and yaps about politics.” This podcast is definitely sex-talk heavy, graphic, and NSFW, but it is awesome. Dan Savage keeps it real and has honestly opened my mind and changed my views on stuff like the realities of long term monogamy, being more sex positive (or GGG), and “a relationship is not a deposition.”