A friend came to me this week with a question. He has been dating a great girl for 2 months and recently she confessed to him that she had to de-friend him on Facebook because he had so many pictures of his (recent) ex-girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend was so beautiful it was making her feel insecure. He assured her that the ex is in the past, he’s with her because he wants to be with her and she has nothing to worry about.
My 2 cents: I told him that while it’s not an ideal scenario at least she told him how she was honestly feeling instead of keeping it inside and acting weird in other situations where he would have no clue what was wrong (which the majority of girls would do in my opinion). I told him if it’s in the past and he doesn’t care, just delete the pictures! Save them in a hidden folder if you want the memories down the road, but for now take them off Facebook. If this relationship doesn’t work out because of this or for any other reason it’s not going to help him in future relationships to have tons of pictures of his ex on Facebook anyway. This is a time when they are trying to build trust and if he really doesn’t care he should be more flexible and more sensitive to her feelings.
I’ve been informally polling my friends on their thoughts on this and another said that this is a red flag and that you should be cautious dating someone this insecure and jealous. They said that they have pictures up of their exes and it’s just memories of the past and they are friends with their exes now so it would be weird if they took all the pictures down. I kind of think it’s a minor flaw in the grand scheme of things if the person is great in many other ways. Most of my girl friends say they do snoop Facebook to look at exes out of curiosity and while sometimes they feel insecure if they’re particularly beautiful, overall it just satisfies that curiosity and allows you a glimpse into your partners past without interrogating them or seeming too interested. Some even go as far as looking at exgirlfriend’s friends to see more pictures of said ex-girlfriend.
While scrolling through my own pictures I realized that I have pictures with a few exes, but they are buried within tons of selfies and pictures with friends and it’s hard to tell whether I’m standing next to a male friend or an ex. When I scrolled through the pictures my guy friend who had this issue in the first place’s pictures I realized that he had 70+ of this ex (they had dated for a few years) with him, with groups of friends, just by herself, etc. in his “Photos” aka no digging through old albums because he was tagged in all of these. Thinking back though, this guy showed me lots of photos in real albums of him as a kid and growing up the very first time I met him so maybe he is just a very sentimental person who likes to hold onto visual memories in the form of pictures?
Most importantly, he and I want to know what you think!! After a break-up do you delete pictures of exes? Untag? If you’re dating someone new and they made a comment would you delete the pictures of your ex? Would you think they were insane or it was a red flag that they were asking? Does it depend on if you really like the person a whole bunch vs. you’re not too sure about them? Please comment and let us know!!!
Here’s more Overly Attached Girlfriend Memes for your viewing pleasure and to thank you in advance for commenting and telling us your opinion!!
You don’t have to delete them, but they shouldn’t be so prominent. Basically, if I could look at your profile as someone that doesn’t know you and accidentally confuse your ex as you current SO, its time to tone it down with those photos.
Haha yes! This is a great marker for how much is too much.
I don’t think the ” red flag should go to the person who is uncomfortable with the said photos with the ex STILL on FB. Facebook is kind of like your calling card to the world. It tells the world who you are etc. You should not have your couples photos with the ex on FB. Live in the present. Doesn’t mean you are deleting your past/photos, just not keeping it posted on line ( ie keep them in on your personal computer). For me the red flag goes to the person who has no common sense and thinks it’s ok to still be friends with, keep photos of on FB. Are they not over their ex? Also, unfriend your ex’s friends and family ( unless married and have kids together). Move forward. If you start dating someone, and they have to tell you they are uncomfortable as it seems you are attached to your past– your past just hindered your present and perhaps your future. If your ex still keeps photos of you as a couple on their FB page, ask them to remove. They may not, but at least you did your due diligence. Protect your present and your future.
That’s a good point. For me I have to block exes that I’m not over so I don’t have to keep seeing them so if they’re not blocked their pictures or presence don’t bring up any strong feelings in me and neither does their presence. I agree it’s definitely good to move on.