A friend came to me recently asking to recommend some good free dating apps. She is currently going through a separation and didn’t want it to show up on a credit card bill (could you blame her!?) I posted back in January the Dating Apps to Try in 2017which included Hinge, Bumble, The League, Happn, and Coffee Meets Bagel. All of these apps you can use for free, but have in-app purchases available. The good news is that these apps don’t have to directly charge your credit card- you can always buy an iTunes or Google Play gift card and load it to your account and then make the purchase!
My friend also doesn’t live in a big city which means that not all of these apps are currently available to her. I’m also going to skip Coffee Meets Bagel because for some reason this app does not appeal to me and I barely use it.
To text or not to text? There’s a lot of conflicting advice out there when it comes to texting etiquette and after thinking about it and discussing it with some friends I have come to the conclusion that if you want to text someone, just go ahead and do it. Don’t over think it, don’t try to cleverly craft a the “perfect text” that takes an hour, several revisions, and at least 3 friend’s approvals. Just send the text you were thinking of and be done with it. Now let’s address some fears: Continue reading →
One of the many trends that turn me off of someone’s Tinder (or Okcupid) profile is when they post something like “don’t worry I won’t tell anyone how we met it can be our secret ;)” or “we can tell everyone we met at IHOP”. Ok, thanks bro. I am truly not interested in anyone who is ashamed to be online dating. Are you better than Martha Stewart at thinking of good ways to do things? No? Well she online dated and if she’s not too good for it neither are you 27 year old guy who “has a real job, not in the BIZ” with pictures of you surfing and with your boys at da club in Vegas and a car selfie with sunglasses on. You can be good looking, charming, successful, and still want to try online dating. The guys that say these things never seem SO good looking and SO successful and SO amazing that no one would EVER believe they’re looking for love on the internet either. The other part that annoys me is they’re throwing shade at me by saying these things. They mean it as a cute little compliment, but the underlying thing they’re saying is oh how could I bring myself to this low point and actually send my computer signal to space to try to find a man?? #shadyboots
The other ways guys (I guess there’s probably girls out there that do this too) let their shame flags wave high is not having a profile picture. It really cracks me up when they try to give reasons why they couldn’t possibly put their pictures up. “I’m in med school I’m not allowed.” Really? Why are there like 20,000 other med students on dating websites showing their faces? “I don’t want people at work to find me” Jesus Christ please get over yourself. If you are that powerful and important you would post yourself online with pride realizing that no one is going to say shit about it. Same thing goes for writing in your profile “wow I never thought I’d be online dating I can’t believe I’m on here”. Girls want a strong man that will stand behind their actions. They also want someone with enough humility to realize that doing something like dating online does not even matter in the slightest in the grand scheme of life. Check your ego little Kanye. When everyone on Earth says they’re looking for someone who is confident, this is not what they mean.
What do you think? Do you have a theory as to why people are still ashamed to date online in 2014?
One thing about online dating that can be frustrating is finding people who actually want to go on a date! There’s only so many “Happy Hump Day!” messages one can get before becoming cynical. There are plenty of time wasters out there (both male and female) and if you want a pen pal they will chat with you about nothing at all for ages. If you want an actual date here are a few of my tips:
1. Guys: Don’t ask right away!! There is about 0 personal info on Tinder so if you ask right away you are saying that you don’t really care what the two of you have in common or if you click, you just want to see if you are physically attracted to them right away in person or if you will “feel chemistry”. Asking right away is a huge turn-off for me because it’s almost like the guy is playing a numbers game and just trying to go on as many dates as possible. You should spend at least a few minutes going back and forth in a conversation first before deciding if you want to ask them out! Guys who do this also tend to blame the girls on Tinder saying that none of them actually want to go on a real date, when in reality they are pushing all the girls away with their eager and non-discriminating approach to asking girls out. On a deeper level this makes me wary that a guy is going to objectify me. I’ve had plenty of seemingly nice, normal guys objectify me while dating. They constantly bring up aspects of this image of me that they want me to be (in very subtle ways) vs. actually getting to know the person I really am. I think I can and will write an entire post about this!
2. After you’ve had a little back and forth banter, know what the person does for fun, if they live in a geographically desirable location relative to you (I think this is pretty key in LA), what they spend most of their time doing, and have a glimpse of their personality, bring it up! I’m old fashioned when it comes to this and I almost never ask guys out. I will, however, ask them if they’ve ever gone out with any girls on Tinder, what they think about online dating, talk about my interest in going out on a real actual date and spending time together, etc. This is the time for them to take the hint and ask you out. If they do not after a 2-3 days, or if a girl gives you a weird excuse and then won’t commit to a different plan, or if the person becomes a ghost then we come to our next tip:
3. Know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em! There are plenty of people on Tinder who like the idea of dating new people, but who aren’t actually open to it right now (like me)! These people have good intentions and are hoping that they’re going to find someone who interests them enough to bring them back into the dating world, but are not all in yet. If you feel like you have taken the time to get to know someone, have some things in common, seem romantically interested in eachother/are flirting and the guy doesn’t ask you out in under a week- move on! Block him/unmatch him if you have to. If they say they want to “grab drinks” or “hang out this weekend” and then fail to make a real plan, move on! Listen to Jay-Z “On to the Next One” and keep it moving. There are plenty of other great guys and girls out there and even though you think you may have found your perfect Tinderella, if they do not want to meet up then it is impossible for you to have a real relationship. Let go of your fantasy and find a real life human being who you can actually kiss!
Ah one of my least favorite date invitations right behind “When are we gonna hang out?” And “Let’s go (insert sporty or outdoor activity that involves me sweating) as one of our first dates!” Now this invitation may seem innocuous enough especially if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, but let me explain why I don’t like it: Continue reading →
This was a real conversation I had with someone several months ago…
Tip#1 Have some self-awareness. If this dude replied and said he was referencing the Jeopardy skit from SNL that would have been one thing. If you’re a grown up you can be silly, but avoid anything too immature (i.e. 420, 69, Barbie, sexy etc.)
Tip#2 Don’t use the same username that you use for other non-dating websites! This was a big mistake that I made and some guy messaged me and let me know that if you google it, a lot of personal info comes up. Think: your youtube history, those comments you left on a grad school forum, your gamer profile, etc.
Tip#3 If you’re totally out of ideas just go for something simple like your first name and some numbers. Or a gender neutral hobby (I would never make one like “MakeupGirl” because no dude is interested in that).