So I have a new dating book that I will not shut up about. It has such a cheesy title, but tons of excellent advice and it’s called “You Lost Him at Hello”
The book talks about many things that are in every dating/self-help book (for a reason)- knowing and loving yourself, being confident, looking your best in order to feel confident, becoming a more interesting person (be the person your ideal person would want to date), etc. It also made some good points I had never thought about:
You know when you have a great date or a great couple of dates with someone, you’re totally feeling the chemistry, everything is going amazing, and then all of a sudden poof he’s gone? Well you know how we women can see one behavior, see one weird outfit, hear something we don’t like, etc. and be completely turned off? Well, so can dudes! This doesn’t mean you have to act perfect it just means they’re not the right one for you. It doesn’t necessarily mean you did something “wrong” it just wasn’t a match. Don’t waste your time worrying about it #ONTOTHENEXTONE
GHOSTING: Another ghosting tip- if a man ghosts you there is no need to send him 10 more humiliating text messages trying to get him to own up to his behavior or give you a reason why he no longer wants to see you. If he does give you a reason, it’s probably sugar coated to spare you from the truth. When a guy disappears or says they don’t want to be with you that’s the end of the conversation not the beginning of negotiations (or the end of your dignity).
LEVEL OF INTEREST: This is another biggie. If a man is showing low or moderate interest (c’mon don’t lie to yourself) don’t waste your time wondering why? Or what did I do wrong? Just accept it as information about them and adjust your expectations accordingly.
If I could sum up this book in one word I would pick “CHILL.” Relax. Don’t be so anxious to get into a relationship. Don’t try to hit the gas pedal as soon as you meet someone to try to make it to your fairytale ending before you turn into a pumpkin. Don’t try to speed up the “getting to know you” phase by having marathon or sleepover dates in the beginning. Have fun with dating, work at it, have a good strategy, but do not let it consume you and don’t focus too much on 1 person especially early on. I think this is personally one of my biggest issues and I’m so glad I read this book because it helped me take a good hard look at myself and what I’m doing and what I could be doing better.
One last note- I listened to this book on Audible and if you do that make sure you speed up the narrator to at least x1.5 because she speaks painfully slow. I’ve read a lot of dating books and this one is honestly one of my favorites! Enjoy!