Here’s some dating red flags that I’ve ignored in the past: Continue reading
A friend asked me for some Tinder tips for someone new to the app and I realized that this would make a great post! So here we go:
Well I had one of my top 5 worst dates of all time last month. The short version of what happened is, as the title says, a Tinder date actually left me at the bar.
So let’s go back to the beginning. We texted for a while and then he told me we should meet up for drinks (I’ve written before about how this is one of my least favorite invitations). He said if I wanted we could just hang out at his place (red flag). I said absolutely not we’re going somewhere public. He said ok great let’s do it.
When he asked me where I’d like to go I told him that I’d like for him to plan it and also could he please pick me up. He said sure no problem. Before our date I briefly Googled him since he is a former model (this is LA after all) so he has some web presence. I find out that he is actually 27, not 28 like his Tinder profile says. This is a trend I have been seeing a lot more lately with people lying about their age. I have no clue why there’s any difference between 28 vs. 27, but when I asked him about it he said he was indeed 27.
The day of the date comes and he asks me if I went to meet him at a bar in Brentwood. As the name of this blog suggests, I live in Hollywood (~30-40 minutes from Brentwood) so I said hell no you as he is supposed to come pick me up as we previously agreed. He said ok sure I can do that.
He then shows up half an hour early (better than late I guess?). I get in the car and we say hello and he starts driving. I ask him where we’re going and he says “I don’t know I don’t really know this area” and I try to keep my eyes from rolling out of my head since hello, use Google or Yelp like the rest of us. He then says we could hang out on his side of town or maybe we could just hang out and have a drink at his place.
He then says “but you already said you don’t want to do that so..” that’s right buddy. His next idea is that he’ll drive down Fairfax because there’s “a group of bars and lounges and we’ll just go to one of those.” He’s not sure exactly where they are and when I ask for more information he has none. He then proceeds to pass every single bar on Fairfax and points to some place I’ve never heard of when he realizes we are practically in Little Ethopia and says “what about here?” I tell him no and suggest we go to a great date bar called The Woods which is back by my apartment. He agrees and we drive back there. Continue reading
I was rushing to get ready for my date and throwing a few things in my clutch. “Shit” I thought in a panic, where had I put my ID? There’s no way I can go on this dinner date without having at least 2 glasses of wine. The first date was bad enough, but I wanted to give this guy a second chance in case he was just nervous… I find my ID and he calls to let me know that he is downstairs to pick me up.
I get in the car and put on a smile and say hello. I’m greeted with a blue Tiffany & Co. box pushed in my face. “Open it! Open it!” he insists “I couldn’t wait to give it to you!” The panic strikes again. “Umm you didn’t have to do this it’s WAY too much. I can’t accept this” I plead, but he makes me open it.
I slowly take the box and the analytical lady in me notices that a) there’s no white ribbon and b) it’s not in a gift bag. I open the box and it’s a sterling silver charm bracelet. It’s the kind that was very popular 15 years ago that was THE item to have in middle and high school. “Thank you, but this is way too much I can’t accept this” I say as I try to hand it back to him. He takes it and puts it on my wrist and I know that this fight is futile so I say thank you and smile for real this time because this is so crazy that I find it amusing.
I met this guy while walking to my car on a day that I was feeling particularly optimistic and open to something new. I was coming off of my break from dating online and I knew I needed some practice being friendly and open to dating someone.
When I met him he said to me in a sing-song-ey way “My head’s in New York, but my heart’s in LA. The weather is good and the traffic is bad.” and other canned sayings he had obviously said a million times. We all have those so it was no big deal. Then he came to pick me up and he repeated that saying again almost immediately and verbatium “My head’s in NY, but my heart’s in LA. The weather is good and the traffic is bad.” He had a million of these it was like he was speaking in bumper stickers. He was talking the entire time, but never actually SAID anything.
He barely asked me anything more than shallow questions about myself and didn’t ask any follow-up questions. For example when I told him I had a DATING and beauty blog he didn’t ask what it was called or if I was going to write about him. He probably wasn’t even listening.
Here’s some more interesting parts of these dates: Continue reading
As a person that has been socialized since birth to people-please (aka a woman) I understand how difficult it is to say no when someone asks you on a date. Today I’m going to talk about turning someone down via text message/Facebook messenger/email/etc. because turning someone down in person is a much different. When you’re in person and you’re a girl being asked out by a guy you have to worry (unfortunately) about your safety so that will be a different post.
This all stems from a man asking me out via text recently who I needed to maintain a positive relationship with for professional reasons. I think this comes up a lot when you’re asked out by a work colleague or a Starbucks barista or friend of a friend that you’re going to run into a lot and it gets tricky. If you give a creepy stranger your phone number so he will leave you alone you have my permission to never respond to him ever and block him if he harasses you. Same goes for a guy on a dating website who you have barely chatted with- no response necessary. Another twist comes when you’re not sure if someone is asking you on a date and you don’t want to presume they are and be incorrect because that’s awkward. For example, a single work colleague of your preferred sex texting you “Hey want to grab drinks?” Here’s how to handle it if the answer is “No.”: Continue reading
In honor of Yom Kippur this past weekend I decided to have my own Day of Atonement by writing out some of my dating and relationship sins from the past year.
1. Saying I’m interested in going on another date when I know I don’t really mean it. Eek sorry guys. Sometimes when I say it I really do believe it and change my mind later, sometimes I say it hoping I can force myself to believe it, and sometimes I say it just to be polite even though I’m probably hurting your feelings more long-term.
2. Not letting go of the past. Ok this isn’t really a sin just a behavior that affects me negatively. I just try to keep reminding myself that that person I used to date who was really into me and who I had a great connection with does not exist. I cannot pick up where I left off with them because they are not the person who I make them up to be in my mind.
3. Comparing myself and my relationship to others. This one is tough because I didn’t have a great relationship model growing up and therefore I’m always guessing at what’s normal. Instead of wondering if I’m measuring up to my friends and peers I really need to listen to myself and how I feel about my dating situation. Comparison is the enemy of contentment after all.
4. Putting on my best version of myself mask for dates. Yes we all want to make a good first impression and be our best selves when looking for a significant other, but it’s important not to over-do it. I’ve realized that if you try to project your most “perfect” version of yourself in the beginning it’s impossible to maintain forever so eventually your real self comes out. When that happens the person you’re dating thinks “who the hell is this? This is not what I signed up for.” and ends the relationship which can feel like they’re validating your perfectionist method.
5. Trolling. This naughty little habit isn’t very nice, but I am now off the dating websites so don’t worry single dudes I’m not comin’ for you. I’m sorry guy who kept drunk messaging me on OkCupid that instead of giving you my phone number when you asked I gave you the number for Promises rehab. You’re just looking for love or a codependent relationship and I should have just let you live your life. Also, sorry to these dudes: Continue reading
I really like the 5 Love Languages which is a book that talks about how we all wish to receive love in different ways (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch) and that is the way that we are also most likely to show our love. The problem is when you and your partner don’t have the same primary love language and you’re doing all of these things for them in your favorite love language and you don’t feel appreciated because they still don’t seem fulfilled. For example you could be making them breakfast everyday, taking out the trash, running errands for them and they’re still complaining that you never want to spend time with them. You think you’re showing your love doing all of these acts of service, but what this person really craves is for you to be spending quality time with them.
One love language that’s hard for some people to learn is Words of Affirmation. It’s easy enough to compliment someone with a “you look nice”, but if they are constantly flooding you with compliments and you’re not used to saying so many yourself it can feel uncomfortable when there’s that pause after they finish and it’s your turn and you just say “…thanks…” This is especially true if you grew up with a family that didn’t constantly give Words of Affirmation so you feel lost as to what this person wants you to say and very awkward and forced when trying to do it yourself. I think that giving compliments or words of affirmation is a muscle that you can strengthen through practice. Yes it will feel a bit forced at the beginning, but the “forced” part should be saying how you truly feel so it should not feel fake or inauthentic just a little uncomfortable as you get used to something new. Even I don’t always feel comfortable saying how I feel so I understand your pain.
Here are some examples on how to mix it up in the compliments department: Continue reading