How to Be More Attractive

So I’ve been reading through lots of Reddit posts on r/dating and r/dating_advice to look for some patterns. One that keeps popping up is guys think the only way for them to be more attractive is by working out. Or making more money. Other then that it’s all genetics and they have absolutely no control.

As a woman I’m bombarded with ads of products that will make me more attractive. Advertising tells me there’s billions of ways for me to improve my beauty. I guess men haven’t had that same message their entire lives. So here you go men (all humans really), here’s all the secrets to being more attractive.

Be More Attractive Physically

First I want to clarify something. Women are not as obsessed with looks as men are. We really and truly are looking at more than your face, body, and bank account. We see the whole picture. You do not have to have a 6 pack or a perfect beach body to be successful on a dating app or dating online.

In fact, there are some women that are turned OFF by chiseled bodies because they feel intimidated or like they would be judged. I don’t want to date a huge body builder because if a man is eating and working out all day, how is he going to give me as much attention as I need??

Want to look more attractive physically? Try these:

• Update your hair cut
• Change your facial hair
• Improve your skin – wash it every morning and night with a gentle cleanser. I like the CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser. Use sunscreen on your face every day. Use a retinol at night. Start slow with 1-2 times a week and work up to nightly. Just like most good things in life, consistency is important. If you have lots of acne scars or acne start getting facials regularly.
• Improve your smile – Brush and floss your teeth regularly.  Use Crest Whitestrips to whiten your teeth (this is my best tip for looking more attractive immediately, looking better in photos, and looking younger). Straighten your teeth with braces or Invisalign. Always brush your teeth before leaving the house. Carry gum and/or mints on you.
• Eat healthy – Feed yourself like a grown up. Know how to make simple meals. Show that you are capable of taking care of yourself and that you care about your appearance.
• Workout – This will improve your mood, give you more energy, increase your confidence, and get you more in touch with and more comfortable with your body.
• Have impeccable hygiene – Daily or twice a day showers (omg what a dream to not have to wash/blow dry your hair… I would take so many more showers)
• Clean up your hands and feet – Short, clean nails. No crazy calluses. Get a manicure and pedicure if you have to (you’ll enjoy it trust me).
• Moisturize your skin – If it’s dry or flakey make sure you’re not using a soap that’s striping all of the oils out of your skin. Switch to a moisturizing body wash and put lotion on after you get out of the shower will your skin is still damp.
• Posture – If yours is not good, work on it. Practice. Stand tall.
• Get new clothes – Ones that fit you well, are good quality, and can be worn on dates.
• Smell Amazing – Have great hygiene and then use perfume/cologne to smell even better. Suggested reading: How To Smell Sexy ; Men Love This Perfume on Women

Sound More Attractive

• Speak with confidence – Again, practice. Shy? Start forcing yourself to make small talk with strangers when you’re out and about and there’s no pressure. If you talk fast slow down. Enunciate your words and don’t whisper them. Suggested Reading: Pitch Perfect: How to Say It Right the First Time, Every Time
• Work on your stutter or speech impediment –  Seek out speech therapy (techniques have changed since you were in grade school), look for tips and exercises online to practice. Work on underlying anxiety by talking to a therapist, mediating, exercising, seeing a psychiatrist, etc.
• Have something interesting to say – Do interesting things, go interesting places, hang out with interesting people. Check out my blog post How I Changed My Life.
• Use Manners – Please and thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry, etc. Show respect to everyone. Suggested Reading: How to Win Friends & Influence People
• Learn new skills or hobbies – Again it will give you more interesting things to talk about and whenever you improve at something you’ll improve your confidence. Learn a language, an instrument, or a skill.
• Be Optimistic– No pity parties, limit complaining, be positive, see the good in experiences and people. Again, this is a skill that can be strengthened with a regular gratitude practice. Suggested reading: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life
• Work on being less angry – Get therapy, write it out in a journal, practice talking it out with someone you trust, meditate, take deep breaths, work on yourself and your confidence, reflect on what is setting you off and why. Suggested reading: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
• Work on being less bitter –  Read my Ultimate Breakup and Recovery Guide, give yourself more time before dating again, focus on why you want to date and get in a relationship, surround yourself with positive people, spend time with couples you admire. Take action and make changes- this page is chalk full of ideas. Suggested Reading: You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
• Become more intelligent – Read books daily. Listen to audiobooks and podcasts on your commute instead of the same 12 songs on the radio.

More Attractive Emotionally

• Open Up – Be open and communicate your feelings, emotions, and past. Don’t dump everything out immediately, but don’t try to hide. First you become vulnerable, and then trust is formed. Suggested reading: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
• Be Self Aware – Know yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your habits, your tendencies, your preferences, how you come off to others. Reflect about it- write it out, meditate, talk to someone you trust and ask for help. Never stop learning, growing, and evolving. Examine your past trauma and relationship patterns and how they’ve effected you.
• Be Emotionally Intelligent – Learn to manage your emotions, reactions, and stress. Learn to express difficult emotions. Suggested reading: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials
• Be a great listener – Use active listening skills to really hear and comprehend what someone tries to communicate. Look at the person that’s talking (ideally making eye contact), give your full undivided attention to them, show them that you’re listening by responding, asking, and summarizing their comments periodically. Wait until someone is finished talking and don’t cut them off. Have an open mind and sit with a topic you disagree with for a second. Process it instead of immediately launching into an argument. Suggested reading: Active Listening: Hear What People Are Really Saying
• Have short term and long term goals and ambitions and actively work towards them. Don’t become complacent.
• Volunteer or give back – This is especially impressive if done consistently over a long period of time.
• Be more empathetic – Spend time with people that are different from you. Ask them about their stories. Watch documentaries. Experience other places and cultures. Stop thinking about yourself constantly. Suggested reading – Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity
• Have good boundaries – Don’t let anyone walk all over you. Speak up when someone has hurt you. Be direct and not passive aggressive. Suggested reading: 10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries

More Attractive – The Whole Package

• Have a clean home and car – This can make a HUGE difference. If you’re not good at cleaning, hire someone. Make this a priority. Suggested reading: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
• Be financially responsible – Take control of your finances, live within your means, be a good saver, come up with a plan to manage your debt or improve your credit score. Pay your bills on time.
• Maintain friendships – Work on having a solid few people you can rely on. Check in with them often and put the effort in to maintain the friendship.

That was 30+ ways that ANYONE single, dating, any gender, and age, etc. can become more attractive to themselves and others. Bookmark this post and come back to it when you’re feeling like your situation is hopeless. We all have room for growth.

Bottom line: There is nothing more attractive then someone that doesn’t take ownership of their life. If you don’t like something don’t sit around and complain- do something about it!

Want more personal help about how to become more attractive and stand out while dating? Check out my page on dating coaching.

 

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