Tis the season… to get into a relationship? Cuffing season is here where single people (hand)”cuff” themselves to a partner so they don’t have to brave the winter (and holiday gatherings) all alone.
What is Cuffing Season?
“Cuffing Season” is the time of year beginning mid-Septemberish when summer has come to an end and single people start looking for relationships. Cuffing season happens because it’s dark and cold and single people don’t want to be the only one without a partner for Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Christmas/New Years. People who normally are comfortable casually dating more than one person at a time are too tired and cold to put in the effort. They want to find a partner they can stay cozy and warm together inside. They also don’t want to have the annual conversation with their parents about why they aren’t married yet.
When is Cuffing Season?
Cuffing season begins during the fall and really heats up near Halloween. Starting to date at Halloween is the perfect amount of time to be dating for it to not be awkward to spend the holidays together. Halloween also coincides with daylight savings time which is another incentive to cuff. Plus for girls who were dieting for Halloween this may be their peak body time and they’d really like to put on a sweater, get a boyfriend, and start eating again.
Is Cuffing Season a good time to meet someone?
Continue reading Is Cuffing Season a Good Time to Meet Someone?
In honor of Yom Kippur this past weekend I decided to have my own Day of Atonement by writing out some of my dating and relationship sins from the past year.
1. Saying I’m interested in going on another date when I know I don’t really mean it. Eek sorry guys. Sometimes when I say it I really do believe it and change my mind later, sometimes I say it hoping I can force myself to believe it, and sometimes I say it just to be polite even though I’m probably hurting your feelings more long-term.
2. Not letting go of the past. Ok this isn’t really a sin just a behavior that affects me negatively. I just try to keep reminding myself that that person I used to date who was really into me and who I had a great connection with does not exist. I cannot pick up where I left off with them because they are not the person who I make them up to be in my mind.
3. Comparing myself and my relationship to others. This one is tough because I didn’t have a great relationship model growing up and therefore I’m always guessing at what’s normal. Instead of wondering if I’m measuring up to my friends and peers I really need to listen to myself and how I feel about my dating situation. Comparison is the enemy of contentment after all.
4. Putting on my best version of myself mask for dates. Yes we all want to make a good first impression and be our best selves when looking for a significant other, but it’s important not to over-do it. I’ve realized that if you try to project your most “perfect” version of yourself in the beginning it’s impossible to maintain forever so eventually your real self comes out. When that happens the person you’re dating thinks “who the hell is this? This is not what I signed up for.” and ends the relationship which can feel like they’re validating your perfectionist method.
5. Trolling. This naughty little habit isn’t very nice, but I am now off the dating websites so don’t worry single dudes I’m not comin’ for you. I’m sorry guy who kept drunk messaging me on OkCupid that instead of giving you my phone number when you asked I gave you the number for Promises rehab. You’re just looking for love or a codependent relationship and I should have just let you live your life. Also, sorry to these dudes: Continue reading Five Dating Sins I’m Atoning For
I really like the 5 Love Languages which is a book that talks about how we all wish to receive love in different ways (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch) and that is the way that we are also most likely to show our love. The problem is when you and your partner don’t have the same primary love language and you’re doing all of these things for them in your favorite love language and you don’t feel appreciated because they still don’t seem fulfilled. For example you could be making them breakfast everyday, taking out the trash, running errands for them and they’re still complaining that you never want to spend time with them. You think you’re showing your love doing all of these acts of service, but what this person really craves is for you to be spending quality time with them.
One love language that’s hard for some people to learn is Words of Affirmation. It’s easy enough to compliment someone with a “you look nice”, but if they are constantly flooding you with compliments and you’re not used to saying so many yourself it can feel uncomfortable when there’s that pause after they finish and it’s your turn and you just say “…thanks…” This is especially true if you grew up with a family that didn’t constantly give Words of Affirmation so you feel lost as to what this person wants you to say and very awkward and forced when trying to do it yourself. I think that giving compliments or words of affirmation is a muscle that you can strengthen through practice. Yes it will feel a bit forced at the beginning, but the “forced” part should be saying how you truly feel so it should not feel fake or inauthentic just a little uncomfortable as you get used to something new. Even I don’t always feel comfortable saying how I feel so I understand your pain.
Here are some examples on how to mix it up in the compliments department: Continue reading How to Compliment Someone You’re Dating
A friend came to me this week with a question. He has been dating a great girl for 2 months and recently she confessed to him that she had to de-friend him on Facebook because he had so many pictures of his (recent) ex-girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend was so beautiful it was making her feel insecure. He assured her that the ex is in the past, he’s with her because he wants to be with her and she has nothing to worry about.
My 2 cents: I told him that while it’s not an ideal scenario at least she told him how she was honestly feeling instead of keeping it inside and acting weird in other situations where he would have no clue what was wrong (which the majority of girls would do in my opinion). I told him if it’s in the past and he doesn’t care, just delete the pictures! Save them in a hidden folder if you want the memories down the road, but for now take them off Facebook. If this relationship doesn’t work out because of this or for any other reason it’s not going to help him in future relationships to have tons of pictures of his ex on Facebook anyway. This is a time when they are trying to build trust and if he really doesn’t care he should be more flexible and more sensitive to her feelings.
I’ve been informally polling my friends on their thoughts on this and another said that this is a red flag and that you should be cautious dating someone this insecure and jealous. They said that they have pictures up of their exes and it’s just memories of the past and they are friends with their exes now so it would be weird if they took all the pictures down. I kind of think it’s a minor flaw in the grand scheme of things if the person is great in many other ways. Most of my girl friends say they do snoop Facebook to look at exes out of curiosity and while sometimes they feel insecure if they’re particularly beautiful, overall it just satisfies that curiosity and allows you a glimpse into your partners past without interrogating them or seeming too interested. Some even go as far as looking at exgirlfriend’s friends to see more pictures of said ex-girlfriend.
While scrolling through my own pictures I realized that I have pictures with a few exes, but they are buried within tons of selfies and pictures with friends and it’s hard to tell whether I’m standing next to a male friend or an ex. When I scrolled through the pictures my guy friend who had this issue in the first place’s pictures I realized that he had 70+ of this ex (they had dated for a few years) with him, with groups of friends, just by herself, etc. in his “Photos” aka no digging through old albums because he was tagged in all of these. Thinking back though, this guy showed me lots of photos in real albums of him as a kid and growing up the very first time I met him so maybe he is just a very sentimental person who likes to hold onto visual memories in the form of pictures?
Most importantly, he and I want to know what you think!! After a break-up do you delete pictures of exes? Untag? If you’re dating someone new and they made a comment would you delete the pictures of your ex? Would you think they were insane or it was a red flag that they were asking? Does it depend on if you really like the person a whole bunch vs. you’re not too sure about them? Please comment and let us know!!!
Continue reading Should You Delete Pictures of Exes on Facebook?
Ah one of my least favorite date invitations right behind “When are we gonna hang out?” And “Let’s go (insert sporty or outdoor activity that involves me sweating) as one of our first dates!” Now this invitation may seem innocuous enough especially if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, but let me explain why I don’t like it: Continue reading No, I Don’t Want to Grab a Drink
What to write in that little blurb? Here’s some things to consider not writing:
1. “The baby in the picture is NOT MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M A PROUD UNCLE OK STOP ASKING!!!!” – Woah calm down.
2. “I guess everyone is putting their heights? That’s like a thing? So here’s mine 5’5” – The reason why you need to put your height is because when you’re crouching down to pet a tiger or taking a shirtless bathroom selfie I can’t really get a gauge as to how tall you are/how much I’ll potentially be towering over you. As much fun as it is to try to figure out how many Axe body sprays tall you might be from the bathroom pic and convert that, I’d rather you take the detective work out of it and just tell me.
3. Ok those are all the tips you get because if you’re inspired to go on and on about how great you are or how much money you have or how much you hate sluts PLEASE do so we all know which way to swipe.
Everyone loves to complain about LA traffic. Before I moved that’s what people would want to talk about “you’re moving to LA? I couldn’t handle that much traffic I’d go crazy!” In situations like this I always try to expect the worst so if traffic is anything less than soul sucking and completely insane I’ll feel pleasantly surprised. Another way I combat traffic is by listening to good podcasts. A podcast is like your favorite talk radio show that you can customize to your interests that updates weekly straight to your phone. Here are my top 5 favorite on dating, relationships, and sex.
“Dan Savage, America’s only advice columnist, answers your sex questions and yaps about politics.” This podcast is definitely sex-talk heavy, graphic, and NSFW, but it is awesome. Dan Savage keeps it real and has honestly opened my mind and changed my views on stuff like the realities of long term monogamy, being more sex positive (or GGG), and “a relationship is not a deposition.”
Continue reading My 5 Favorite Dating and Relationship Podcasts